3AM

3AM.

It's happened to us all...

You wake up.

It's still dark outside.

What time is it?

3AM. 

Yes! Three hours til the alarm goes off. Back to sleep.

20 minutes pass.

45 minutes pass.

60 minutes pass.

Ok. Two hours til the alarm but you have to fall asleep now.

20 minutes pass.

45 minutes pass.

60 minutes pass.

Sigh.

Frustration.

Only an hour left.

20 minutes pass.

45 minutes pass.

You fall asleep.

60 minutes pass.

Alarm goes off.

When you need to be up for work or have a full day of plans & you hope/want/need to be alert and energetic, waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to fall back to sleep is incredibly frustrating.

I learned last night that when you DO NOT need to be up for work or a full day of plans, waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to fall back to sleep can actually be pretty great. I do hope/want/need to be alert and energetic today (and everyday), but I have the week off from my day job so I'm stay-cationing at the moment & working on a few projects at home. Because I wasn't focused on trying to get back to sleep I was able to just BE in the moment. Wide eyed at 3AM. There was nowhere to be but there so I chose to embrace it.

In my 3AM moment lots of things were rolling through my head, but I'll share the one that felt most pressing or prominent as I laid there.

I'm going on several months of desiring and dreaming of changing directions career wise. I've pretty much been in my own way all this time. As Dr. Seuss put so well in his book Oh, The Places You'll Go…

"I'm sorry to say so 

but, sadly, it's true 
and Hang-ups 
can happen to you. 

You can get all hung up 
in a prickle-ly perch. 
And your gang will fly on. 
You'll be left in a Lurch. 

You'll come down from the Lurch 
with an unpleasant bump. 
And the chances are, then, 
that you'll be in a Slump. 

And when you're in a Slump, 
you're not in for much fun. 
Un-slumping yourself 
is not easily done. 

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. 
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked. 
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin! 
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? 
How much can you lose? How much can you win? 

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right... 
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? 
Or go around back and sneak in from behind? 
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find, 
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind. 

You can get so confused 
that you'll start in to race 
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace 
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, 
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place. 
The Waiting Place…"

Ugh. The Waiting Place truly is SO USELESS. I've waited for affirmation, I've waited for answers, I've waited for certainty, I've waited for tomorrow and when tomorrow comes I've waited until the next day. Not because of laziness or apathy, but because of feeling overwhelmed with where the heck to even start. When I woke up I felt a sense of urgency, a calm sense of urgency not a panicky one, that was simply this: Don't delay.

I checked instagram at one point while I was in my moment because I'm addicted to checking it and like a robot it's the first thing I look at when I'm on my phone. Anyway, this nugget of wisdom popped right up:

THEN…

At 7:15 in the morning, when I was halfway finished writing this post, I got a call from a friend who had no idea I had the week off and we talked for an hour. First, who calls someone that early? Also, if I hadn't been up since 3AM and out of bed since 5AM - I would have 100% missed or declined the call. But I was up and I answered and we talked. Not about just anything, but she called and had some very specific things to say as a continuation of recent conversations about developing skills, about leadership, business, driving change, courage, risk, people, friendship, and our FAITHFUL God. 

I freaking grabbed a piece of paper and took notes. 

One thing she said really struck a chord, especially as I begin taking bigger and bolder steps into the unknown and reaching higher, she said, "Seek transformation, not affirmation." Of course! Affirmation is lovely and it feels really good to be affirmed, but as a believer and a leader, I seek to be a driver of transformation. Of the world and of people. In a way, my starting place is asking myself with each step I take from here whether what I am doing is being driven by the motivation to transform, or driven by the desire to have others affirm me. My path will illuminate as I move. Standing still, as I now know, is pretty dark and very useless.

All of this before 8:30AM.

This is all so fresh and perhaps not the best written/articulated post of my life, but I hope that those of you reading it will find encouragement in some form or another as you live your story. Whether it's to be in the 3AM moment and to pay attention even though you'd rather be sleeping. To stop waiting and get moving. To question your motivations as you step & to step in wisdom. This is me saying that I don't have everything figured out and sometimes I'm afraid, but I'm 100 times more afraid of waiting than moving…so let's get going.

Feeling incredibly joyful this Wednesday!

Love,

Rachel

Embracing the ALL.

So, I've been heavy hearted lately.

Nothing is wrong. This is not headed in the direction of "woe is me". I promise.

I'm completely and utterly grateful for life. All of it. The peaks, the valleys and everything in between.

There is so much learning and growing and refining and pruning and fruitfulness that comes from embracing ALL of life, not just the good, easy and known parts. 

I choose to embrace the ALL, but sometimes I catch myself embracing things I should not, things that become obstacles. Like worry. When worry takes root then from it grows a need to control, a need to have certainty, a need to feel validated, and ultimately a heavy heart. I sometimes find myself up high on a branch of a big old tree of worry that I allowed to grow.

Guess what though? When worry takes root I am also reminded that I am human. What JOY! I mean it! I am human, not God. Phew. I have a God who is enough, who restores my heart with joy, who can and will uproot the worry and replace it with peace. He has a way of gently helping us ease our grip on the branches of worry, doubt, fear, control that we grasp so tightly to, and leading us safely to the ground.

He will replace these things with His peace. We just have to let go of them.

Loosening my grip.

Find comfort in this truth, my friends.

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Phil. 4: 6-7 (msg)

Love.

Be a Bother

Here's what I think...

You should always bother people if you have something nice to say.

I was thinking about this the other day, about how sometimes we err too much on the side of not wanting to bother someone who we feel compelled to reach out to. Whether it be a compliment, a thank you, a congratulations, a job well done, a "You look beautiful", or a keep your head up. Niceties need not be rarities.

I want to be a person who celebrates others. No matter how busy and over committed we all may be, let it be known that I will bother you to celebrate you. It might be a short text or email, interrupting you (kindly and quickly) if I see you out and about, a phone call, card, letter, gift, lunch or dance party. If we are loving well then those around us should feel well loved.

So go on now…who in your life do you need to interrupt with kind words and celebration? I promise they'll be so very happy you bothered them.

Grace,
Rachel

A post to say I'M BACK!

Wow. My last post is dated back to 2012, I can't even say that I haven't written since LAST year because it was the year BEFORE last year.

I stopped writing because I'm a perfectionist. I couldn't fit my writing into a nice square niche. I don't have a food blog or a fashion blog, just a blog with thoughts and photos. I somehow equated that to it not being good enough and out of a silly fear of being just a "rambling" writer, I stopped.

Recently I realized that l never have been nor will I ever be a square. I was created with a lot of curiosity and because of that I am interested in a lot of different things. Because I was also created with adventurous bones I enjoy adventuring into a lot of different things as well. My thoughts and experiences simply don't fit into "this" or "that", my life takes on it's own shape with lines that are curvy, squiggly, jagged and straight. Why haven't I written in over a year? Because I was trying to figure out how to squeeze into a square and it's just not who I am.

So, I'm back and I'm really happy about it. I'm going to write and it certainly may be rambling at times, but mostly I hope that whoever happens to read through it will find humor, encouragement, truth, and connection. Along with courage to be whatever weird (or not so weird, squares are lovely) shape you are meant to be!

xo

Rachel

{Photo: CJ Foeckler}

{via delcodesigns.tumblr.com}

Fashion Break

I totally dig sweaters. Mr. Rogers was and still is very much loved for his kind and gentle spirit & the unique way he shared things about life and the world with tots. But let's be honest. along with the life lessons when you think of Mr. Rogers there's a good chance you think of or at least associate him with sweaters. I mean every episode started with him walking into the house, taking off his jacket & grabbing a sweater out of the closet. When I was little I remember watching and wondering each time whether or not he would have his sweater zipped before he finished the song.

Talking specifically about sweaters on men, I'm sure there are a lot of love/hate opinions out there. I've heard a few Mr. Rogers sweater comments here and there. But I think they're great! Not a lot of guys (at least that I know or see out and about) wear them, let alone wear them with cool confidence. Pair one with a t shirt and jeans & you really can't go wrong (in my opinion). I say go for it.

(Even all muscle Beckham and all tattooed Adam love their sweaters! The same one at that.)

The summer of twenty twelve was definitely one for

the books. Not because I traveled to an exotic place.

I didn't. Not because it was packed with a whole lot

of crazy adventure. It wasn't. I mean, there was some

just not a 'whole lot of crazy.' It was the lack of crazy

and busy that made it memorable. It was unpacking 

the suitcases I'd lived out of for two years while I 

DID pack in the exotic places and whole lot of crazy

adventure. It was moving to a new city, buying a 

couch for my new little home, and simply having

some space. I mean this both literally and figuratively.

As someone who loves people and community and 

who believes in surrounding oneself with good people

and good community, it can be hard at times to realize

and admit that you might need a little bit of solo time.

Ha. Well, I actually didn't do either of those things. 

What happened was that without realizing or admitting 

I needed space, an opportunity arose for me to move.

To a place where I didn't know a single person. 

To a place that I wouldn't have chosen for myself.

To a place where I was going to have a lot of space.

It has turned out to be the best most necessary

change I needed in the season of life I am in. A season 

of stopping. Of ridding distractions and reflecting on life, 

on my journey so far, on where I'd like to go. More than 

that,  the person I want to be. I'm learning how to filter 

the noise of the world. What makes my heart beat fast. How 

precious time is, and how to choose to make it meaningful.

I imagine that when we're born we all have this little

seed planted in our hearts. As we live and grow, with 

every life lesson, the seed sprouts and grows and blooms 

into a tree. Remarkable and unique to each of us, to each 

of our stories. Eventually the tree stops growing taller but 

it's continually changing with the seasons. Sometimes in 

full bloom, other times bare. I'm right where I need to be. 

The past few months have been a season of blooming.

I hope that you give in to the need for some space when

it calls. It's necessary, but not for the long term.

Don't get too comfortable. Don't hang out there.

Just show up. I'll never cease to be amazed at how

incredibly GOOD God is!

Happy blooming sweet people.