Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Heart of a Lion

I was supposed to meet a group of runners tonight for a long run but left work late and rushed over only to find that they were already gone.  When I meet with other runners I don't bring my iPod because we talk, so naturally I panicked because now I had to run by myself without any music. Tonight was my first prayer run and I think I was meant to miss out on the group...

Multiple times over the last couple of weeks the idiom "Heart of a Lion" has landed in my thoughts. When I got back to my place tonight I heard it again. The realization occurred that this has been a trending topic for me so I decided to do some research.  What it means to have a "Heart of a Lion" is the refusal to give up and to have exceptional courage or bravery.  I'll come back around to this.

Life is pretty incredible. It's complex, scary, full of trials & obstacles, it's unpredictable and ever changing.   But interlaced in all of this is grace, love, beauty, mercy, light, hope and peace. Jesus.

We are all part of a story.  Our stories are written uniquely for us, we are the characters.  I'm certain that God is incapable of writing boring stories.  I'm certain that when we try to write our own stories they will more often than not be boring.  I am constantly trying to write my own story and when I do this I am paralyzed by the complex, scary, ever changing ways of the world.  I lean not on God and the freedom that comes from allowing Him to be the author, instead I faithlessly seek out the story I think I should have.  This is the fall.  This, until our time on earth is through, is always going to be a battle.  As my relationship with Christ grows the hill gets steeper.  Decisions require a great amount of Faith & there are not a whole lot of 'outs' in sight. All or nothing, really.  Not in the sense that if you step out in Faith and things don't pan out (because they won't always) that God is going to leave you high and dry.  Sometimes failing at one thing is just what needs to happen so you will eventually get to where you are intended to be.

I'm definitely where I am at right now as a result of trying to figure things out on my own, trying to write my own story, and where I'm at right now is quite lonely. Not in the physical sense of what you might initially think of when someone talks about being lonely which is kind of ironic in my situation though because I quite honestly should be feeling lonely. I live in a city where I know nobody but the family I work for.  I remember when the opportunity arose for me to spend the summer in a new city thinking that this was going to be a real test of a season for me.

That is has been for sure.

My loneliness is for God, my heart is longing for Him because I have completely lost touch. So when I read what it means to have a "Heart of a Lion" I felt comforted because I felt like God was reminding me that He refuses to ever give up.  It's just that I can't give up on Him.

And for the first time in weeks my heart isn't quite so heavy.

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